Boxes

You're so pretty when you lie
Sitting safely in the seat you stole.
Silly girl,
Shut up and save your soul.

They stare in penetrating silence.
Their eyes burn through the veil you wear.
News travels faster to the pulpit
"Oh leave your love and we'll be there".

Boxes boxes
Pack up your bags.
You should know you don't belong!
Boxes boxes
All that you have
Take them back to where you came from.

It's so easy to pretend.
Paint your face, do what you're told.
Silly girl,
Shut up and let them win!

The birds sing softly of your secrets
The whispers echo through the trees
Beckoning "just come and listen"
"Come and play pretend with me"

Boxes boxes
Pack up your bags.
You should know you don't belong!
Boxes boxes
All that you have.
Take them back to where you came from.

Boxes wait in the backseat of my car
Begging me to bring them inside.
But my suitcase stays right beside my broken heart
Waiting for the sound of the alarm.

Why I Never Post Anymore

Honestly, there are a million different reasons I can give...

I am too busy with work. After all, I HAVE 2 JOBS.

I have to save time for my friends.

My life is just too crazy right now.

All of these reasons are valid, but the only one that matters is this: im just not feeling it.

My YouTube channel has all of 42 subscribers over the course of 9 months of work. My online presence has always been silent in the corner, with slow and steady return. It's hard to keep investing in something you're not sure will ever be worth it, but I desperately don't want to quit. I'm not quitting this...I just needed a break. I don't know if I will be able to follow a schedule, spend time optimizing my content for SEO, caption all of my videos, edit for hours, and still be there for my family, friends and people I love, be present at both of my jobs, save for college all while jumping through all the hoops to get in, and stay sane. I can barely stay sane sitting alone in my room with all the time in the world.

So, in summary, "adulting" is hard, annoying, and full of pointless paperwork. I'm just starting to navigate this new world and I have yet to find the balance between fun, love, work, and my hobbies, but be assured that I'm trying.