Can I stop adulting now?

Please? Can I please just go back home and get a redo on childhood? (except I don't need parents or school of course)...

I'm tired of 12 hour shifts at a mindless factory doing the same. damn. thing.

I'm tired of dealing with complex feelings and relationships.

I'm tired of being so socially inadequate that I don't understand basic concepts of making and maintaining friendships.

I'm tired of trying...so...hard. and still fucking everything up.

I'm tired of working my ass off for nothing.

I'm tired of phone bills, insurance, gas, food, lights, rent, 401ks, HSA accounts that I have to do return of excess papers on or my taxes are gonna be fucked up, TAXES, tests, applications, rules and fees.

I'm tired of pretending that I have any idea what I am doing.

So, to anyone who might speak to me and think that I am weird or awkward...I'm sorry...but everything I know, I have taught myself. I don't know how your world works...4 months ago I was still stuck in my parent's house. Homeschooled. Sheltered. Innocent. Clueless. So if you feel the need to judge me for not being adapted to the world...I'm new to this...and I already want to go home.

I Need Time

"I need time".
When I said these words I could feel your skin turning cold. Your body spoke louder than words...your deepest insecurity exposed before me.

Time to think.
Time to myself.
Time to meditate.
Time to be alone.
Time does not mean I'm leaving.
It means...
"I need a break."
Not from us, my love... a break from myself; A break from the pressure.
I need some relief! Please never think I'm leaving.
"it isn't you it's me."
But this isn't a break up.
These words are not a part of a speech to let you down easy. These are just the only words I know how to use.
I know these words have in the past, been used to hurt you...but now I need them to help us.
Time is not the enemy.
Being alone is not the end.
Taking a break doesn't mean that it's over.
It means we have space to fall in love again.