Boxes

You're so pretty when you lie
Sitting safely in the seat you stole.
Silly girl,
Shut up and save your soul.

They stare in penetrating silence.
Their eyes burn through the veil you wear.
News travels faster to the pulpit
"Oh leave your love and we'll be there".

Boxes boxes
Pack up your bags.
You should know you don't belong!
Boxes boxes
All that you have
Take them back to where you came from.

It's so easy to pretend.
Paint your face, do what you're told.
Silly girl,
Shut up and let them win!

The birds sing softly of your secrets
The whispers echo through the trees
Beckoning "just come and listen"
"Come and play pretend with me"

Boxes boxes
Pack up your bags.
You should know you don't belong!
Boxes boxes
All that you have.
Take them back to where you came from.

Boxes wait in the backseat of my car
Begging me to bring them inside.
But my suitcase stays right beside my broken heart
Waiting for the sound of the alarm.

Why I Never Post Anymore

Honestly, there are a million different reasons I can give...

I am too busy with work. After all, I HAVE 2 JOBS.

I have to save time for my friends.

My life is just too crazy right now.

All of these reasons are valid, but the only one that matters is this: im just not feeling it.

My YouTube channel has all of 42 subscribers over the course of 9 months of work. My online presence has always been silent in the corner, with slow and steady return. It's hard to keep investing in something you're not sure will ever be worth it, but I desperately don't want to quit. I'm not quitting this...I just needed a break. I don't know if I will be able to follow a schedule, spend time optimizing my content for SEO, caption all of my videos, edit for hours, and still be there for my family, friends and people I love, be present at both of my jobs, save for college all while jumping through all the hoops to get in, and stay sane. I can barely stay sane sitting alone in my room with all the time in the world.

So, in summary, "adulting" is hard, annoying, and full of pointless paperwork. I'm just starting to navigate this new world and I have yet to find the balance between fun, love, work, and my hobbies, but be assured that I'm trying.

The Drum

Dum

Dum

Dum

It beats like a soft buzzing drum.

Dum

Dum

Dum

It plays in my head 'till I'm numb.

Dum

Dum

Dum

I forgot why I tried.

I forget why I'm here.

I forget all my plans and just close my eyes for one more second

Trying to drown out the sounds of the drum.

Dum

Dum

Dum

My heart beats with the echoing, marching feet.

Dum

Dum

Dum

Darkness takes me for just one more week

Depression doesn't care what's due by the weekend

Depression pays no attention to what time your shift begins.

It just plays on repeat...over and over again.

Dum

Dum

Dum

It's selfish

Just like me!

It's all my fault...

SHUT UP! I'm trying to think!

Dum

Dum

Dum

Why am I so lazy?

Snap out of it!

Dum

Dum

Dum

Just grow up.

Stop procrastinating.

Dum

Dum

Dum

You're wasting your life!

One minute at a time

Dum

Dum

Dum

What was I saying again?

Sometimes I forget.

I am not (just) a woman.

I am a person.
I am a human being. 
I have thoughts
Abilities
Values
Talents
Skills
Rights.

I am so much more than a rating from 1-10
I am so much more than a number on a scale, or a size on a clothing label.
I am so much more than the latest trend.
I am more than a thigh gap.
Puckered lips
Perfect hips
I am not this.

I am complete.
I don't need anyone to tell me i'm pretty.
I don't need your sympathy
Your backhanded compliments
Sealed tightly with a hidden dose of your arbitrary standards of beauty.
I don't need you to define me.
I don't need for you to fight for me
Or against me
Just so you can re-affirm your fragile masculinity.
I want you to stand with me.
In solidarity.

I am not weak.
I am not a little girl.
I am a woman.
no.
I am not just a woman, I am a human.
I am not just a substitute when no one else will fill in.
I don't need a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet.
I'm already flying on my own!
If you want to...you can fly with me.

A moment without you.

I woke up today and you were gone.
Something made me lighter,
Like I was wide awake for the first time.
I could finally feel myself breathing
My heart beating.
I finally had a reason
All because you're gone.

I don't know if you'll return, but just know that you're not welcome now.
I can breathe now that you're gone.
I can make it!
I can do this
If you promise that you'll never come back.
I conquered death.
No, it was a miracle.
Only something supernatural could have given me the power,
Only God could have granted my wish
You're gone now.
Farewell and good riddance.

Here

My inhibitions left at your feet

You took the fear right out of me.

You gave me life when I couldn't breathe

My darling.

You took away my superstitions

Rescued me from blind submission.

You set me free

My darling,

You rescued me my darling dear.

Captivate me in your warmth

Rapture my soul in your storm.

Set me on fire

Put me at ease

Set me free.

Set me free my darling dear.

Resurrect me, I'm dead inside

Take my innocence

Bring me to life.

I've been hurt so many times

But I am healed in your eyes.

So cover me in all your pain.

Let me carry all your shame.

Put my soul through hellish flames,

But I'll be here.

I'll be here my darling.

I'll still be here my darling dear.

Are you "that" customer?

Do you drop things in the local grocery store and pretend that it didn't happen?

Do you throw your food in the cashier's face when you're missing a pickle?
   
Do you pull out 5 feet from the drive thru window just so you can see the teens who serve you       half-jump out the window to give you your change?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, congratulations! you're "that customer". You probably have a nickname like "the mystery pooper" or "pickle patrol", and yes, a fast food worker has probably spit in your burrito and called it "mystery sauce".
Before everyone freaks out I would like to re-affirm that I LOVE customer service and I love serving people regardless of whether they have had a bad day, but I have watched far too many low-pay and part time workers being abused and disrespected to believe that "the customer is always right".

OF COURSE THE CUSTOMER IS RIGHT! If paying customers have a problem with whatever I'm selling, I will do my best to satisfy them, but I will never allow verbal, physical or sexual harassment from anyone under any circumstance regardless of how much business you provide. This article is lighthearted, and I understand most of the things I complain about here...in fact I have been some of these customer tropes (I broke a candle at the dollar tree when I was 9, but I had no money so I hid it and left the store like nothing happened).

So as long as you don't break the law or harass me, you can be as awful to me as you want, but if you want to make my day, here are a few tips.

-DON'T LEAVE YOUR PUBES ON THE MEN'S TOILET SEAT. (you know who you are.)
this rule also applies to aiming, wiping, cleaning up after yourself, flushing, and not leaving sh*t on the walls or door handles. I'm just being honest here; I've been covered in far too many bodily fluids and I would love it if you maybe...next time...wipe it up.

-Don't throw burgers in the cashier's face if your order is wrong. Your order could have been messed up in the kitchen, in bagging, or by the cashier, but some of us don't appreciate meat being shoved in our faces...I'm a vegetarian man.

-Pick up your messes. This one is just a suggestion. If you are short on time or can't do it, I'll clean up happily! If you want to make me love you forever though, help me pick up the mess on isle 4. Seeing customers do things like this brightens my day and reminds me that there are truly good and caring people out there.

-Don't EVER ask me to come home with you, ask for sexual favors, touch me ANYWHERE, or try to come on to me. I am trying to do my job. Compliments are totally cool and I love it when people tell me that they like my hair, but I didn't sign up to be objectified or the topic of conversation, laughter, teasing or bullying based on my appearance.

PRO TIP: If you want to make me smile, beat me to the punch! I always feel lighter when a customer tells me to "have a good morning" before I get the chance.

I want to have a good relationship with you as a consumer, and I will do everything I can to make that happen, but if you poop on the walls, it's going to be hard for me to shake your hand.
   

I Can't Take It Anymore.

     5pm. My car awkwardly parked in my driveway, important documents scattered everywhere. I sat screaming, crying hysterically and sat in a state of panic until I could breathe again...

      I moved out a week after turning 18, with nothing but a $300 car, $40 cash, a flip phone with a few minutes, some clothes, my video equipment and a guitar I've had since I was 11, and a couch to crash on. I am lucky enough to be living with my sister for 9 months until college starts, but after that, I'm going to be on my own. I landed a part time job and a full time job with benefits in the first two weeks I arrived, and in that respect I am very lucky, but I've been living on 47 cents for way. too. long. See, due to circumstances I can't control, I was unable to get a bank account, savings account, driver's license, ID, employment (aside from McDonald's), or any of the things people should have in line by age 17. So, how does this have anything to do with the current panic attack?


     I just spent all of yesterday taking the driver's test (and passing by a very thin margin), trying to work with the DMV (TERRIBLE) and working until midnight on 4 hours of sleep. This morning I woke up 4 hours and 30 minutes later to go to work, drive to the insurance agency to set up a plan (I got lost and it took 3 hours to find), register my car, deposit some cash, get health insurance, set up a doctor's appointment, and go shopping. I only got through the car insurance...and when I went to buy my groceries, MY DEBIT CARD WAS FRICKING MISSING! The cashier sighed as I tried desperately to keep from breaking down in tears in the middle of the store. I needed to look like I knew what I was doing. I always do. I cancelled my card only to remember that I can't get my car registered for 3 more days, I need to get a new debit card but I can't drive an unregistered vehicle, and I'm stuck at home all weekend because I'm an idiot who screws everything up all of the time. So, flash forward to the freak out. I pulled in my driveway and immediately started rampaging every surface of my car, wallet, backpack, house, fridge, and all over again while screaming unspeakable things and simultaneously praying for a miracle.

     Rationally, I knew that if it was truly gone, I could always cancel it, get a new one, and wait a few more days to finish my errands, but inside I couldn't stand the thought of being seen as a clueless screw up kid who shouldn't be allowed to function in the world. I know that I need to go through difficult things as a part of growing up and that I should embrace long DMV lines, heavy traffic, lost debit cards, insurance agencies, and three hour drives through places I've never been before with no form of GPS other than the directions of some stranger at the gas station, but I just can't adult right now. I can't do this. I just want to crawl into my room, shut the door and starve to death while binge watching YouTube videos and never worrying about insurance again.

     I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be an adult...so now I'm making chia seed chocolate cupcakes (lacto-vegitarian!!! eyyy), I took a long shower, and I'm going to binge watch random documentaries on Netflix for the next few hours. I need to just stop. I may not be able to choose between mutual funds or managing my own investments, or even who I'm going to vote for, but I can certainly choose between pink or blue nail polish tonight... and tonight, that's all that matters.

Our secret

When I first saw you yesterday, you looked...familiar.
Something drew me closer.
When you entered the room your brought with you something...different.
Something out of place.

I recognized you by your sign.
The secret you wear on your face.

You know, the one you think no one notices?
I see it, because I wear it too.
We are family.
I don't know how, but something secret is shared between me and you.

When our eyes meet, I know you feel the same thing.
This is our secret exchange.
No one else knows.
Our secret is safe.

My Hair Transformation!

       Hair has always had meaning in my life. I've never been very interested in wearing different hairstyles, braids, curls or doing anything girly with my hair, but I have always loved to dye it. My hair started out bright blonde, then brown, then dark brown, then mahogany (it was a mistake), light brown, blonde again, then reverse ombre (blonde to brown), then jet black, then ombre (black to blonde), then blue at the tips, then green at the tips, then black with a giant blonde streak and blonde tips, then short and dark brown...and I'm just getting started.

currently, I have short, dark brown hair. I don't plan on keeping it dark for much longer; in fact I think I might go platinum soon! My hair is my canvass, but I've never had it professionally dyed (i've always done it myself!) so I think it's about time I get it styled by a real artist...i'm scared but i'm ready for another change! So, what color should I dye my hair next? Leave a comment below or on my video to let me know your opinion! Should I go back to my natural roots, or keep it dark?

You Do You

You do you!

Unless you're a murderer.

Or a rapist.

Or a bad person. Tweet This!

       I'm all for people owning their individuality, but there is a clear line between being yourself, and using individualism and moral relativity as an excuse to harm other people. It's also not genuine to simply tell people to always be themselves, because sometimes people are awful.
We don't tell Donald Trump to "do you boo-boo" when he tweets something ridiculously sexist because that's obviously wrong! But are we being hypocritical? After all, The Donald was just being himself in those tapes! Who are we to judge? Well, we're the american people and we're supposed to judge that nasty man, but as people we are also allowed to hold the public to a basic standard.

So, where is the line?

When do we stop saying "be yourself" and start requiring certain subset of behavior to be a good person? Tweet This!

Personally, I think that humans are given a conscience and most of them know when they're doing wrong. There are people who are numb to evil and who don't have the discernment to tell the difference between good and evil...and those people shouldn't be themselves...because those people are serial killers and rapists.

Here's my line.
-don't harm other people
-don't do anything without enthusiastic consent (eligible consent...that means adult humans who are mentally and legally capable of consent; not under you if you are in a position of power)
-don't infringe on human rights
-don't be a mean person or a bully
-don't manipulate people
-don't be a jerk
-be responsible with yourself, your body, and don't do things that put other people in danger
-recognize that you are responsible for your actions
-don't be hateful
-don't be willfully ignorant
-don't be unwilling to change
-don't catcall... ever.

Other than that, you do you boo-boo!

It could have been worse: Sexual assault and rape culture.

I believe in rape culture because I am a woman.Tweet This!

I am a woman who has been touched inappropriately by customers at work and my first thought was "I shouldn't speak up because it could have been worse."

I am a woman who first experienced catcalling at 10 years old.

I am a woman who has been told on the internet that I'm too unattractive to have experienced unwanted advances and verbal/online sexual harassment.

I am a woman who has listened to countless stories of sexual assault, manipulation, and rape from friends who were too afraid to tell anyone because they knew no one would believe them.

I am a woman who is lucky enough to never have been raped, but I am only 19... and statistically, I'm still at risk.

I believe in rape culture because there is no other explanation that satisfies why random strangers on the side of the road feel entitled to comment on my body. Can anything else explain why it's "my fault" that I can't bike to work without being whistled at by random groups of men who rev their engines behind me on the highway? Can anything else explain why "she would not be my first choice" and "they're all liars" are valid defenses for a presidential nominee PRESIDENT to make on a public stage? Can anything else explain why men I know and love assure me that Donald Trump's infamous comments on women are simply "locker room talk" and that I should just accept that this kind of talk is a part of life?
 "I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything." -Donald J Trump
Can anyone please step up and TELL ME HOW THIS IS OKAY? Tweet this!
If this is an acceptable and normal conversation among men (and women as some men have assured me) then something is fundamentally wrong with what's normal.

Let me briefly define rape culture: "A society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse." -Oxford Dictionary

Instead of listing statistics on sexual assault, I encourage you to read this publication by the nsvrc.
The statistics on sexual violence are staggering.
Rape culture exists because most of my friends who have confessed instances of non-rape sexual violence said they wouldn't report because "it could have been worse".
Rape culture exists because "I don't even wait" is defended passionately by a large portion of the country Tweet This!
Rape culture exists because I know that it was harassment when a customer slid his hand across my hip as I was trying to do my job, but I pretended like nothing happened.
Rape culture exists because using the phrase "Rape culture" offends people.
Rape culture exists because I have accepted that verbal harassment and unwanted advances at work are just a part of the job even though I know that technically, I have legal protections against that sort of unprofessional behavior...but it doesn't matter because I can't prove it.

THIS HAS TO STOP. No matter what side it comes from, we all have to agree that sexual harassment and non-consensual behavior is unacceptable across the board. Call it what it is.Click to Tweet This!

Christmas for Halloween

       Why do stores already have their Christmas items in? WHY? Why are people playing Christmas music? THIS IS NOT NATURAL.Tweet this! It's wrong. It's against the natural order of everything we all have grown accustomed to. Pumpkin spice season is not over yet...it hasn't even started! Black Friday starts the Thursday before thanksgiving! I'm starting to think that the turkey population is behind this conspiracy to erase thanksgiving all together, but they won't be completely successful in saving their species because now people are just saving the turkey for Christmas! If it weren't for the Facebook calendar updates, i'm beginning to think that everyone would forget what season it even is. DO YOU SEE SNOW ON THE GROUND MRS. GLENDA? no? Then PUT AWAY THE INFLATABLE SANTA. It's 80 degrees outside.

       I don't want to hear your crappy Christmas music in Kmart until well after December 1st, and it's not because I am some re-incarnation of the scrooge, I just want my holidays to go in their natural order. And what about Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving is to holidays as Jeb Bush was to the republican primaries...everyone but your grandma forgot that they were still there. It seems like this process has been gradual. When I was a kid, Black Friday started Friday morning at 6 am, and then gradually it got earlier and earlier until some sadistic stores decided to open at 8 freaking pm on thanksgiving night. Now, because of mandatory work schedules on black Friday, many families celebrate thanksgiving the day before. There is no sensible explanation for this mess, and honestly, the turkey conspiracy is all I can find to rationally explain this phenomenon. Either that, or people just really love Christmas.

       In summary, PUT AWAY THE SNOW MACHINE WALMART, IT'S STILL OCTOBER! Tweet This!

Unbreakable

Hypnotize me

Make me clean

Erase all my memories

Lead me to the guillotine

Bathe my heart in gasoline.

You can't fix me 

I'm not broken

See!

I'm clean!

I'm exactly who you want me to be.

It worked!

You won

All the damage that you've done

Finally broke me down enough to lie.

Hypnotize me

Make me clean

Erase all my memories

Lead me to the guillotine

Bathe my heart in gasoline.

You can't fix me

I'm not broken.

Enough!

I don't need your "love".

I am who I was made to be,

It doesn't need to make you happy.

Hypnotize me

Make me clean

Erase all my memories

Lead me to the guillotine

Bathe my heart in gasoline.

You can't break me.

I am unbreakable.

The Walking Dead RIPPED MY HEART OUT

       **SPOILER ALERT!** If you haven't watched the latest episode of TWD, I suggest leaving this page immediately and disabling your access to any form of social media until you are caught up.

Okay, are you sure you want to read this?


scroll down then...


ready?

Changes!

      ***personal message from the author***

       

       I just started my first job out of high school, and the gap year has officially begun. I'm only working 25-30 hours right now, but that will all change in the end of November when I start my FIRST FULL TIME JOB! I'm exited, but dreading the fact that i'll be working about 60 hours a week. Working a part time and full time job will be awesome for my future college plans and bank account, but it will leave me little to no time to keep up this website and my YouTube channel. Instead of sacrificing my true passions, I'll just give up sleep and lunch breaks! But for real, I'm going to be soooo busy, so if I miss something I am truly sorry. 

       A new poetry/prose section.

       I write music, but in secret I also write poetry, spoken words and prose. My poetry reveals things about my life and who I am without expressing specifics. I want to share these writings with you so that I can connect with those of you who need it, express my secrets to those who understand, and provide entertainment to those who don't look too deep. I am an open person by nature, but circumstances sometimes keep me from revealing certain parts of my life; those parts are often the most helpful and therapeutic to share with others. For this reason I am going to start sharing writings from my journal (more like phone notepad). I hope to reach people through my writings, but most of all I desperately want to share my stories, my deepest feelings and my heart... and my writing is the only safe way I know how to do that. 

       

       An actual schedule! 

       If you are here from my extremely unknown YouTube Channel you know that most of the time I release videos on Saturday, and vlogs whenever I feel like it, but this website has been relatively unscheduled. From now on I will be releasing a new poem every Wednesday, and two posts every Friday, Saturday and Sunday! If I deviate from the schedule, it's because I'm overwhelmed with work or very sick...but feel free to harass me if I go off the radar. 

Expect awesome things coming soon! If you want to stay updated on new posts, press the subscribe button on the right top corner of the site, follow me on Google + +Jordyn Reed, follow me on twitter @itsjordynreed for notifications and tweets sharing each new post, or check in right here at themillennialsguidetothegalaxy.com. 

How to cure exhaustion: How To Adult

I just started my first job after high school. I worked for 6 months at a McRestaraunt, and then did construction in highschool...but suprisingly, im more sore from my current retail job than my heavy labor construction job! The constant standing is so painful on my shins, back, and feet that I'm hobbling by the end of my shift...and I'm 18. Being a chubby 6"0 tall girl definitely has it's disadvantages. So, in an attempt to survive so I can make it out of this job still making well into the lower class pay range, I found a few helpful tips to stay awake and pain free...ish while on the job.

1. Pace yourself. Don't be a snail, but you don't have to sprint the isles every time you get paged

2. Take 2 Ibuprofen tabs, before and after work, 2x a day (adjust for height and weight). As soon as your body gets used to the activity, make sure to reduce or eliminate meds...it isn't healthy for your liver, heart, or immune system to live on tylenol.

3. YOGA (Or stretch if you think yoga is weird)

4. Work out. Do something for at least 15 mins every day. I bike to and from work, and do yoga in the mornings. Im going to add weight training soon as well.

5. Eat a balanced diet. I have made the mistake far too many times of forgetting to eat until halfway through the shift, and then drinking a large coffee and eating some chips and a protein bar. I woke up in cold sweats with severe nausea the next day.

This is what my ideal day of eating looks like (I rarely accomplish it)

Breakfast: Protein, veggies and coffee
Lunch: Veggies, Whole wheat/grains and some veggie protein
Snack: quick carbs and some fruit
Supper: whole wheat/grains/carbs, low protein, veggies, and tea
**water throughout the day. I like to drink at least 8 cups**

**the next half of this article is sarcasm. Do not EVER do any of these things. Ever.**

6. Ignore the pain. Just push it until you crash, then take a day off and pretend to go to the doctor when you're really just self medicating with a caffeine IV and painkillers.

7. If your feet hurt, just put them in freezing ice water, then transfer them to extremely hot water.( I just made that up off of the top of my head, so you probably should never do that.)

8. Inhale cinnamon in dangerously large doses. Make sure it's through the nose...the burning and choking mean that its working!

9. Sleep all weekend and stay up all week. The hours you lose can easily be gained back on the weekend. Oh, and make sure you use sleeping pills! These two methods are key to completely screwing with your sleep cycle.

10. Drink at leat 5 cups of coffee. You might develop heart palpitations, a-fib, or die, but the sacrifice is worth it. You NEED 4 jobs to make it in this world... just do it!

How to Cook Boxed Macaroni

Step 1: Get a pot.

Step 2: Put some water in it.

Step 3: Put it on the stove.

Step 4: Turn it on high.

Step 5: Call your mom and yell at her for never teaching you basic life skills.

Step 6: when it boils, turn it on medium and open the box. (don't forget to take out the cheese packet)

Step 7: Dump the noodles in and get out your other ingredients.

-milk (or suppliments, or water if you're broke)
-butter (or suppliments)
-emptiness and despair
-poverty




Step 8: Poke the noodles with a fork and try one. If you think it tastes good, the noodles are probably done... unless you are a freak that likes soggy/crunchy noodles. (prime time is at 7 minutes usually)
DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE NOODLES OR THIS WILL HAPPEN

Step 9: Get a strainer (or a colander if you wanna be extra) and put it in the sink, then dump that ish into it and lift and shake till the water is gone, then dump it into the pot again.

Step 10: Cry

Step 11: put some butter, milk and cheese into the pot. Stir it, and put however much you think looks good. Anyone who tells you that there is a certain ratio of cheese packet to milk, or that it matters what you put in first is a dirty liar.

Step 12: Eat that ish straight from the pot because we all know you don't have any clean dishes.

Step 13: If you wanna get fancy, add in any combination of these ingredients:

-Cream of mushroom
-Hamburger (or ground soyburger stuff if you're me)
-Tuna (or Tofu if you don't hate animals)
-Peas, broccoli, corn, etc...
-extra cheese of any kind






PROTIP: If you really want to impress someone, mix in some velveeta, grate up some extra cheese (or buy a pre-shredded packet) and sprinkle it over the top, then place it in a glass dish and bake it for a few minutes. It's like slightly more adult kid's cuisine.

This stuff was bomb. I rarely had it though because I was too poor.

Remember, If you are over 14 and you had to look up how to cook boxed macaroni online, go tell your parents that they are failing at life. (unless you are in a unique circumstance. In that case, I'm so sorry about this entire article. Please don't be offended... take my money.)

Depression: Breaking the stigma.

         I have been depressed since childhood. Depression and some other mental disorders run in my family, and I have seen diseases like it effect the lives of people around me my entire life... and I'm mad about it. The stigma that surrounds mental health is not only annoying, it's completely false! Tweet this! It's also extremely damaging to people who suffer from mental illness and their loved ones. Here are some of the misconceptions I have faced as someone who deals with depression, and the reasons why they are so harmful.
    

• Depression is just laziness. Sometimes, I'll admit, I am really lazy out of no fault other than my own... but more often than not, I literally cannot get up off of the couch. Depression has physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, listlessness, and loss of interest in the things you once loved doing. I have been creating music since I was 6 years old; it's my deepest passion, but depression takes that desire away for me for months at a time. I have an entire album of unfinished recordings that I could easily release, but once I start something, I often lose the desire to finish it and just...give up. 

• People who have emotional disorders are just too thin skinned. They bring it on themselves. There are environmental, situational, hormonal and genetic factors to depression. I do believe that I have the power to control what goes on in my mind, but it is a daily battle that not all people have to fight, and it isn't one that I would wish on anyone...so why would I wish it on myself?

• People with mental disorders are crazy. Mental illness doesn't make anyone crazy. You wouldn't say that someone with cancer, diabetes, or a broken leg is crazy, but that's because their sickness is physical and visible. 

• I can't defeat depression. This lie isn't one that others who don't experience depression believe, it's one that I believed. I am not helpless in my own healing, and if you are going through mental illness, you aren't either. Tweet This! You made it this far and you are still breathing; and that means that you are strong. 

• Therapy is for weak/crazy people. This stigma isn't only false, it's very harmful. If we think of therapy as something for "crazy" or weak people, we drive people who are suffering away from getting the help they need. I have spoken to countless friends, strangers and struggling people who recoiled at the suggestion of therapy or going to a doctor, and although this is sad, even I have been resistant to get help. I don't have the financial resources right now to begin, but as soon as I can, I will be pursuing some form of treatment or at least examination.

• My mental disorder is a part of me. Too many people I know and love just push their issues to the side because they've been dealing with them so long that it seems normal to them. Their normal is their sadness. They've grown so used to fighting that they've accepted it as a part of who they are. I wish I could get to every person out there who says they just have to "suck it up and deal with it" and just show them a taste of what freedom feels like.

How to go VIRAL in 10 easy steps. (not clickbait)

          If you've ever wondered how to be valued as a human being in the modern world, look no further. Everyone knows that the most important thing about your content is how many views it gets. Everyone knows that the quality of a channel's content is directly related to their subscriber count! It's a fact of life. If you don't have over 1.5k twitter followers, you are a worthless human being and there is something very wrong with you. Tweet This!

          So, here are 10 easy steps to going viral...and finally finding the self worth you've been looking for all of your un-famous life...because we all know that famous people are sooooooo stable.

Step #1: Find the biggest creators out there, and copy their every move. Make sure to mix it up by copying the trends of more than just a few creators, but stick to their niche. They know what they're doing, so follow their lead!

Step #2: Always jump on the latest trend. It doesn't matter if you HATE DIY galaxy videos, or you feel like a soulless beast with a void space where your creativity used to dwell. DIY Galaxy macaroni from the dollar store gets VIEWS. You need views...so get with the trends.

Step #3: Find other smaller channels, comment something generic on their video, then ask for a "sub 4 sub". This mysterious and annoying practice isn't spam... it's the only way you can survive as a small creator.

Step #4: Spam big YouTubers and Bloggers with messages in the comments section that looks something like this: "Hi, I'm a small creator and I LOVE making YouTube videos. I make content just like (insert creator's name here). PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO ME!!! I'LL SUBSCRIBE BACK I PROMISSSSEEE!"

Step #5: Don't listen to constructive criticism... they're just haters disguised as well-meaning people who say they're trying to help...but they are LYING. Don't even give them the time of day... just brush them off  and "eff the haterzz".

Step #6: Coddle your viewers. After you BEG them to subscribe to you, make sure to pander to their every whim. You can forget about creating original content with an actual message or purpose. Give them what they want at all costs. Just don't sell out. (see step #7)

Step #7: NEVER sell out. If you accept any form of sponsorship, your viewers will leave in droves. It doesn't matter that as a small creator you literally live off of sponsorship opportunities, and it certainly doesn't make a difference if you personally use and support the product you are advertising. MAKING MONEY WITH YOUR PASSIONS IS A SIN!

Step #8: Make reaction videos... that's all.

Step #9: CLICKBAIT!!!
Some viewers will complain, and sure, you'll lose your credibility and slowly build up trust issues with your audience, but it's literally the only way to get anyone to look at your stuff... it's not like accurate metadata, descriptions and titles have anything to do with building a loyal audience that actually wants to be there.

Step #10: Find something to hate and capitalize off of it. Make fun of people, start drama and be obnoxious. People online love drama and they love to find someone to hate watch. If you have thick skin and you are amused by constant trolling and lynch mobs, get with it and watch the cash roll in.

Remember kids, the internet is a lovely place filled with wonderful people who are all out to make your life better. Always follow the advice you see online... especially if they don't back it up with any sources! Tweet This!

#NationalPastaDay

          I HATE holidays, but the moment I logged on to my twitter and saw that #NationalPastaDay was a thing; I fell in love. I LOVE CARBS. That's honestly the entire reason i'm fat. (other than the crippling depression and family history of hormone imbalances and obesity that is). So, this post is dedicated to the love of my life; pasta in every form.

First, I have to praise the noodle forms themselves. From Penne to Fettuccine, each form brings with it it's own special variances. Anyone who claims otherwise is blasphemous.

Fusilli (spiral noodles)

They're just fun! And I love the flavored ones. Who doesn't want to eat a spirally green noodle covered in olive oil? (It tastes better than it sounds)

Penne

I love it when sauces and veggies get trapped inside the holes... or how they remind me of little pool noodles.

Plain old SPAGHETTI!

It's underrated, but it's beautiful in it's own special way. Spaghetti noodles can be used in almost any dish... except for macaroni. That's disgusting.

I'll let these pictures do all the talking...

I mean... FEED ME

BROCCOLI IS ALFREDO'S BEST FRIEND

Pasta can even be dapper! It's sooo cute!

Nothing beats macaroni. GIMME IT!

It's stuffed with ricotta.I can't even...

Okay, I can't do this anymore... I need to go eat. 

You'll figure it out...eventually.

          Why do terminally ill patients have to worry about hospital bills? Why do homeless and poor folks still die on the streets because they are not educated on how to get healthcare/free services are not offered? Why is it so overwhelming to try to understand this whole system as a young adult? I had perfect grades in consumer economics, but that did me ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD in developing a working knowledge of our healthcare system. I'm freshly out of my childhood home, I have lived off of medicaid and food-stamps my entire life, and i'm trying as hard as I can to break out of the cycle of poverty my entire hometown is stuck in. I'm admittedly under-educated in adulting skills, but some things are almost impossible to learn from just "googling it". Sometimes you need mentors and teachers to show you how to do things, and if you don't have those resources, how do you ever learn?

          I have more questions than answers and I desperately need to be able to just suck it up and figure it out. I just have one problem... I have never had to just "figure it out" before. I'm barely an adult, fresh out of high school, and I am absolutely clueless. I never learned how to build credit, or what that even is until I read about it in my consumer economics course. I know what "Term-life insurance" is, and in theory, I could calculate the rate at which Martha's insurance would go up after each term ended and graph it as an exponential value in comparison to her sister Terri's, but I don't know where to even begin in getting my own policy. I haven't learned how to do much in this short period that I've been considered an adult by the federal government, but I have picked up on these essential rules:

Rule #1: Accept that you have no idea what you're doing, but pretend that you do. (unless you really need help; then ask google first, and as a last resort, call your bank hotline to reset your security questions...again.)

Rule #2: Life is a series of tests and paperwork. It doesn't end with high school or college; you ALWAYS have paperwork.

Rule #3: Take it one step at a time. No one can eat the world in one bite. Face one crisis at a time. Take on the terror that comes with waiting at the DMV for hours one day, and deal with FASFA the next.

Rule #4: There are always rules. Whether it's from your parents, your job, your school, or the government; there will always be rules. Some rules are stupid and set up to feed your superiors whims(like dress codes that require women to cover their shoulders in the summer... it's sadistic.), but most are practical and there for your safety.(Like driving at the speed limit, or paying taxes.)

Rule #5: Suck it up and ask for help. This goes against rule number 1, but for good reason. If you don't have resources, you shouldn't feel guilty to ask the bank clerk how exactly your bank account works. It isn't your fault that you didn't have access to that information as a child, but it is your responsibility now to seek out the gaps in your life education and fill them with accurate information.

          If you know someone who needs to hear this message, or if you are a struggling young person as well and this article is ...#sorelatable (sorry, I had to), give it a share and spread the love! Subscribe to my blog and head over to the "videos" tab to follow me on my journey to adulthood. Maybe I'll figure it out...eventually.

#NationalCatDay

LOVE ME PLEASE!!!

     


 The internet is in love with cats. It always has been, and it always will be; and with good reason: CATS ARE ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE! I mean, look at this kitten!

This kitty is a "special project". He's only 3 years old and his owner had too many pets, so he suffered from neglect. Click here to read more about Pjoe.

With all the cat love going around on the internet, you'd think that every cat would have a loving owner by now, right? Unfortunately, there are still approximately 3.4 million cats that enter animal shelters every year Tweet This, and about 1.4 million of those cats are euthanized according to The ASPCA
Since twice as many animals enter shelters as strays than are relinquished by their owners, one must ask where all of those strays come from. The estimates for feral cats in the United States are approximately 70 million. Not every cat out there will have the opportunity for adoption or rescue; this is why every major pet organization recommends a spay/neuter policy. According to research from the ASPCA, the cost of spaying/neutering your pet is much more affordable than the proper care of a family of kittens, and reduces the problem of overpopulation. If you love cats, it's easy to make a difference! Visit the Humane Society to find pets in need of a loving home near you. If you are considering adopting a cat (or any pet), here are some helpful things you can do to provide for the kitties that need you most!

1. Adopt a black cat.

YouTube's most beloved felines, Cole and Marmalade have a wonderful set of videos you can check out here on why you should consider adopting a black cat. Their owners run a website and channel you can check out here with everything you need to become a cat lover. If they converted me, anything is possible!
There is a harmful superstitious stigma around black cats, but the cats themselves are the only ones that are affected by their supposed "bad luck".
If you aren't convinced yet, check out this video. I couldn't have said it better myself.

This kitty is 2 pounds and 3 weeks old. He's a rescued stray and sooooooooo adorable!

2. Adopt an Adult. 

Adult cats are just as adorable as kittens, but they're typically more experienced, less likely to need training, and they are in desperate need of families. Adult cats are much less likely to be adopted since people LOVE kittens. Trust me, I get it, but maybe maturity is a bit underrated.
(Check out this video if you aren't sold yet.)

10 years old and looking for love. This cat is a "forget me not". That means he's been looked over by potential adopters and he's been waiting for an owner for a long time.

3. Always adopt from a shelter. 
Shelter adoptions aren't just cheap - they help the cat too! All of these cats are from the humane society's website for adoptable cats and they are sooooo CUTE!

her name is Katey and she's 6 years old.

awwhhhhh!

it's so fat! (in a cute, fluffy way)

If you aren't in the position to adopt a cat, (i'm not either!) then you can do your part by donating, volunteering at your local animal shelter, being kind to feral cats, and spreading the word to those who are able to adopt!

               "If you love cats, do your part by volunteering, donating, adopting and spreading the word!" Tweet This to spread the word!

What should I do with my life?

          I took the step of moving out of my parent's house a week after I turned 18. I have a passion for creating music and online content, but I have had a dream of becoming a psychologist since I was 13. When I was 10, I thought I had my entire life planned out ahead of me. I would graduate high school at 16, leave home at 18 with an associates degree and attend a private college for a Master's in Psychology and counseling, take a gap year to to mission work in africa, and then move to New York or some other place not in Arkansas to get my Doctorate...all before the age of 27...all the while maintaining my passion for music and creativity. If you haven't guessed, life happened.

          I am now 18, just finished high school, and living with my sister with nothing but a battered 1999 Dodge Caravan on it's last leg, $15, and a part time job that starts tomorrow with no idea what college I will attend by next fall...over two years past the time I thought I would be in college. I used to laugh when people told me not to hold too close to my plans and to always have a backup plan, but now I wish I had listened. I had a 3.97 GPA in high school, and a great ACT score, but none of that matters! I don't even know if I want to pursue Psychology anymore. I'm completely broke, confused and more exited than ever to start figuring out my life one day at a time.

          I'm writing this to sort out my own mind and just get all of my options on the table. So, here are all of my plans: (in no particular order)

Plan A: Work two jobs and produce as much content online as possible for a year, and then attend a state school for 4 years.

Plan B: Work one job while taking my basics at a community college while applying for every cheap school out of state in West Virginia, New York and California and hope that one likes me.

Plan C: Work at the Dollar Store for the rest of my life and pursue my passions on the side while letting my dreams slowly die because I'm too scared to chase them.

Plan D: Work as much as possible until fall and then attend an out-of-state university for Psychology and pursue my passions on the side.

Plan E: Move to Canada, live on the streets, and become a street performer... at least then I will be able to get emergency medical care.

Plan pipe-dream: Work as hard as I can on my music and entertainment passions (while still remaining financially responsible and going for at least a Bachelor's degree in whatever) until one day I get discovered and never have to worry about sewing up my old Walmart clothes again.

          I'm absolutely lost. I'm clueless! I don't know what to do with my life... and I love it.

Who I'm Voting For - Video

I don't know if I've said enough about this already, but I can't stop... I have a problem.

If you liked this video, don't forget to go subscribe to my YouTube channel for new content every Saturday (and sometimes extra on weekdays). 

10 reasons you should vote for Donald Trump

*WARNING! Don't read this article if you are easily offended by satire.* tweet this!

       Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, or somewhere in-between, here are the HUGE reasons you should vote for Donald J. Drumpf. oops... sorry, I meant Trump. Now, I don't typically get into politics online, but something about this man lit a fire of political passion underneath me... and I just can't hold it in any longer. I'm proud to say that I am a Trump supporter, and here's why.

1. No matter what the biased liberal media tells you, he truly does value women! ...if you're a "10", blonde, below 35, thin, a little ditzy, or a preteen that is...
   
   
2. He knows what he's doing! That's why he said he was "smart" for admitting to not paying taxes for years on a national debate stage. That's why he speaks out against shipping our American jobs to china when that was his main strategy as a business man. That's why he re-enforces all of his statements with grandiose and repetitive language.

   

   We know Donny... we know.

    
3. Those tapes are just a distraction from the real issues. Because bragging about sexual assault is just "locker room talk", and we should be focusing on what someone who isn't running for president did decades ago instead...because his wife is the only other option. That's why all of the other 4 candidates dropped out of their third party races.
   

   

   HEY! It's normal! All men are pigs, right? Give Donny a break!

4. Even if he is a disgusting, creepy old man with corrupt business practices; YOU HAVE TO VOTE FOR HIM! He's our only hope! If you don't vote for Donald Trump, you will have singlehandedly caused the collapse of all that is good and wholesome about our culture by allowing the worst fate possible... the rise of the demon God, Hilary Rodham Clinton. That's right, your vote and support of a third party candidate is not an expression of moral protest, but the intentional destruction of the entire free world. Plus, he apologized.
5. Trump will do away with the neo-liberal, feminazi communists who have been corrupting our culture with so called "equal rights". UNLESS THEY'RE HOT!
6. We have a two party system. You only have two choices, and you have to vote...but only if it's for my candidate. tweet this!
7. Trump knows how to manipulate the lowest common denominator. This skill is key to controlling the masses and convincing the weaker and poorer folks of what's really the truth. This quality is a long held qualification for any U.S President, and Trump is the only man who can accomplish this huge task. It's gonna be great!
8. What do you have to lose?

   

   The way he uses the third person still freaks me out...

9. The Blacks are living in hell... and it's their fault. It's all their fault. Trump is going to slap some sense into them so the police stop having to shoot them! (Honestly, I felt dirty writing this. I couldn't even get out half of the words I had to type... and this is satire.)
10. Morality, humanity and basic decency is the last thing that we have ever been concerned with in a presidential election. It's all about policy, and although Trump has had no experience in government, he's a business man! He'll be fine... right?

BONUS ROUND: His temperament is exemplary. He is totally in control of his impulses... he just has an "Alpha personality"; and frankly, that's what a true commander in chief needs!

At least HRC tried to hide her nasty.

To all of my fellow Trump supporters out there, remember to get out and vote on November 28th!  Join me on NOVEMBER 28TH to make America great again!Tweet this

Why am I so anti-social?

*Trigger Warning* This post describes the details of panic attacks, depression and anxiety.

       I'm an anti-social extrovert... and it's really weird. On the inside, I want to be the life of the party. I want to be able to feel free to approach and talk to anyone, but something always seems to hold me back and keep me a miserable wallflower. I have gone through a number of shifts in my life; first, I was an ugly shy nerdy girl in elementary school, then in middle school I sold my soul to the preppy "mean girls". In high school, I was emo, then hipster, then just a weird mix of the two, but I had friends and I loved being in large groups. I've always enjoyed having a small number of  close friends (while also avoiding being cliquish) rather than having a large group of "friends" that are only surface level. I classify myself as an extrovert because I get my energy from social situations, but I look introverted because I often gravitate towards being alone. I'm not a loner because I want to be, but because I don't know how to be anything else. It's an odd thing to have such a separation between what I want to do and be, and what I am and how I appear to other people. I want desperately to be able to be confident enough to be the dynamic person that I know is trapped inside of me, but I feel suffocated by fear and negative thinking at every social event I attend. In a professional environment, this doesn't effect me. I am in control; I am supposed to ask "how are you today" and be friendly...but in my personal life, I clam up at the thought of approaching someone or making new friends. I have no problem talking (or talking too much) with the friends I already have, but I recently moved and now I need to reach out and form new bonds. I have the opportunity to build a life for myself completely separate from the one I had as a kid, but I can't bring myself to try.

       At this point, I believe it would be helpful to mention that I have struggled with consistent depression ranging from severe to mundane since I was about 8 years old. I have never been to a doctor or therapist about it since my family didn't believe it was necessary. I am working towards being able to get myself checked out soon, but I haven't settled enough since I moved out of my parent's house for therapy to be an option financially. My depression comes and goes in waves, and often takes several different forms. I call it depression because that is the closest word I can find to explain what I'm dealing with, but it is by no means an official diagnosis. In the past, my depression has affected my abilities in work and in school, my social life, my family and relationships, and my ability to function in daily life, but for the past few months I've noticed something odd that I hadn't experienced in a long time: anxiety. It started when life and school all came at me at once. I was in the process of graduating, getting my driver's license, and moving out of my parent's house all at once. I started biting my nails without even noticing anything until they started bleeding. I started staying up until 3 am and waking up at noon. I started forgetting to eat all day until I got so hungry I couldn't focus. After I moved out it seemed that all of those symptoms went away, but instead it took a different form. I have a better sleep cycle, diet and personal health regimen than ever, but whenever I find myself in a large group of people I experience a feeling I haven't felt since I was an awkward and shy ten year old. I find it impossible to talk to anyone. My head starts spinning and I look for the nearest exit or sit in silence by the corner until the event is over; refusing to socialize with anyone. The room spins and the voices of the people around me get louder and louder until I feel like I can't breathe. I spend the entire night fighting back tears, hiding behind my empty tablet screen and trying to look normal. I am used to the depression by now, but I don't know how to handle this. I need to network, make connections and grow in my new life, but sometimes, I feel like I can't do anything to help myself.

       So, in my efforts to set free my true personality from the cycle of depression and anxiety I have been trapped in since elementary school, I have decided to go on a journey to defeat (or at least control) whatever it is going on in my head (or hormones, or emotions, or spirit, or whatever.)
This advice piece is actually just advice for myself, but if anyone wants to witness my weird self talk, you're welcome to read on.
-based off of the studies of Alan C. Fox in his book "People Tools".

• Rethink your beliefs about the world. In Fox's book, he refers to these as "cultural stereotypes". When we are children, we are taught by our peers, parents and teachers how we are supposed to view the world. Many of us go through a period of rebellion against those ideas, and some remain fixated on them. I believe that it is important to think critically about cultural stereotypes from every angle; not just the ones your parents passed down or the ones you learned in school. So, how does this apply to my anti-social tendencies? I somehow developed a set of beliefs about myself and how other people view me that effects my ability to behave naturally around others. I can't pinpoint where these beliefs came from, but I know now that I need to search out what those beliefs are and where I need to change them.

               -Stop thinking everyone is looking at you funny. They probably aren't. They don't see the slight difference between the thickness and length of your eyeliner. Also...everyone knows you're a little pudgy. Hiding your arm fat or sucking in every five seconds can't hide your little rolls. Everyone sees your rolls... and no one cares. (This is totally self commentary. If you're not a chubby bunny...go ahead and ignore this one.)

               -People in general are not out to get you. There are those who don't like you and they never will, but you can't let that stop you from trying. Rejection is a fact of life. The more you face it, the more practice you get. If they whisper about you when you leave, they're crappy. Not you.

• Don't be a social "damsel in distress". Stop waiting for your life to just happen to you. Tweet This! Friendships, relationships, and love don't usually just happen...unfortunately for my daydreams. If you're fighting against a brain that insists on keeping you locked up in a dark room without human interaction, it takes effort to build and maintain relationships. As a person who thrives in community, it is essential for me to force myself into social situations and constantly push myself to be open and honest with people no matter how stubborn the lump in my throat. 

• Be flexible. In his chapter "Shrink the glass", Alan Fox recommends adjusting your expectations according to the situation you're facing. Make the most of any situation by re-adjusting your perspective based on what's going on around you. This idea is best summed up by the sentiment that most of us are familiar with from childhood: "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

From the perspective of a socially awkward, newly independent, formerly home schooled kid, this self-advice seems rational, but impossible to follow. I can't waste my time on earth sitting alone in my bed feeling sorry for myself because I have no friends and wasting away binge watching on Netflix, so I'm setting out to face my impossible giant and I invite you to come with me.